you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
