I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
