so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
