i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
