no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
