She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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