barbara walters just said penis...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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