if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
