dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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