Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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