All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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