I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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