dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
