chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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