Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
