whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
