no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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