Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
