i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
