I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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