I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
