For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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