So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
