He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
