she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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