ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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