I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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