dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
