my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
