so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
