I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
