conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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