If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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