I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
