she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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