I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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