I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
