He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im drinking this country out of the recession.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
