Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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