I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
