you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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