I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
