pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pooping to opera.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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