I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
