i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize