turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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