Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
