I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize