Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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