i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
