yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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