grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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