Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
