Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
