It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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