I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
