It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
