fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
