I puked a lego.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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