Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
