I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize