I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
FUCK WHALES
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
