so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
