you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
