i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
