Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize