Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
