Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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