Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
