What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
