i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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