Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
