People with herpes should wear stickers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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