we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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