I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
