ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
