Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize