hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
