bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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