just come out here and I will go home with you...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize