At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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