I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
