jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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