I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
