And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
