hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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