shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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