ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
