I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
