it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
