what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
