I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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