How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
