So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize