i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
