Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cut my penus on the lid.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
