are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
