Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
