Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
