Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
