Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
