she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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