Im at strip club and am horny
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
