you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
