Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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