Are we in a gay sports bar?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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