hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
