I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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