If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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