I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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