the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
