I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
