I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
